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[lupusalpha]

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[studmuffin]

There's no rule that says I can't talk about sex.

[ WHAT. ]

[lupusalpha]

Not sex with me.

[studmuffin]

Well, I'm pretty sure there's not a law saying I can't talk about it. It's like wanting to bang Ryan Gosling. Nobody's been arrested for that yet.

[lupusalpha]

You have a thing for Ryan Gosling?

[studmuffin]

[ Wide eyed. ]

People can not have a thing for Ryan Gosling?

[lupusalpha]

Most people, I would imagine.

[studmuffin]

I thought he was sexiest man of the year. [ Clicking his fingers, sarcasm obvious. ]

That's what I get for not paying attention.

[lupusalpha]

Do you ever make sense?

[studmuffin]

Nope.

[ DEREK, IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE SEXIEST MAN OF THE YEAR. ]

[lupusalpha]

I didn't think so.

[studmuffin]

You're not really going to grind Isaac's bones to make your bread for implying you're a wolf with different tastes, right? Not bone bread ... Wait, definitely bone bread.

[lupusalpha]

Stiles, let me make this clear. My tastes are none of yours or the pack's business.

Also, there is nothing that Isaac can imply that would make it worth my time to cut his throat, especially if it has something to do with you.

[studmuffin]

[ Stopping. ] Jeez, lighten up.

[ He really doesn't understand Derek sometimes. ] We've never seen you with anyone! Of course there's going to be speculation. We haven't got anything better to do. It's not like you can get TMZ on here. Besides, if you're gonna - uh - mate? Then we totally need to know. It would blow up the whole dynamic. Nobody would think you were running a drug ring anymore.

[lupusalpha]

Did you just use the word mate?

[studmuffin]

Scott made me research it when he and Alice started getting it on. [ Eyebrow wriggle. ]

So you don't?

[lupusalpha]

What are you even asking?

[There is a very slight growl, here.]

[studmuffin]

[ Holding his hands up. ]

Fine, keep your werewolf secrets. You're acting like I just asked if you buried bones in the backyard. We don't even have a backyard. Unless you count the forest. I don't.

[lupusalpha]

Are you asking me if I would sleep with-

[OH MY GOD. NO. STILES, NO.]

How fast do you run?

[studmuffin]

I'm not asking you if you'd sleep with anyone, oh my god. [ How are you having a different conversation? ]

I am just curious. About you. Uh. About. No, shut up, let's not talk about this anymore. This is Isaac's fault.

[ Huff. ] It depends on if I am running for my life or not.

[lupusalpha]

Isaac and I will be having a chat.

[And then he just nods his head]

I'll give you a three minute head start.

[studmuffin]

[ Wait.

No. ]

Are you kidding me?

[lupusalpha]

Two and a half minutes.

[He won't even run, he'll just scare the shit out of Stiles]

[studmuffin]

[ Whine. ]

No.

[lupusalpha]

Run.

[Oh, that's a growl.]

[studmuffin]

[ asdfghjkl;lkjhg. ]

Fuck you.

[ But that's it, he's fleeing. ]