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[lupusalpha]

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[studmuffin]

Why not? [ He does not have your glorious wolf nose, Derek. So he'll just twist until he's flopped backwards on it. ]

I mean, no, I don't want to share it with you anyway, but you're hurting its feelings. It's a nice bed.

[lupusalpha]

[He just watches this]

Do you really want to know?

[studmuffin]

[ Plumping up his pillow. ]

You're offensive to my sweet-ass bed. I don't think you can stay here anymore.

[lupusalpha]

[Sourwolf face.

Time to break it to him]

How many people do you think have slept in that bed?

[studmuffin]

Uh.

I haven't thought about it?

[lupusalpha]

Enough that I can smell it from here.

[Derek Hale: destroyer of souls]

[studmuffin]

[ Watch the cogs turn ...

And then he's landing on his knees on the floor and scrambling back. ] Oh god, oh gross, oh god.

[lupusalpha]

[Derek is already looking for something to sleep on]

[studmuffin]

[ Flapping his hands, his mouth twisted because dude, gross. ]

Can I move? Do I smell like gay porn? [ Sniffing himself. ] I smell like gay porn, don't I?

[lupusalpha]

[Derek is mostly ignoring Stiles]

Do you ever stop talking?

[studmuffin]

No. It's like breathing. I can't or I'll die.

[lupusalpha]

[Derek decides he can't find anything so he just takes up a chair]

You could stay in the woods.

[studmuffin]

[ He gives Derek his own what the hell? look. ]

Is that just your way of trying to make me kill myself?

[lupusalpha]

No.

[studmuffin]

Because I would not survive. At all.

[lupusalpha]

[Okay whatever Stiles]

Fine. Sleep in the bed. Or the floor. I don't care.

[studmuffin]

How would you even sleep in the woods?

[ You are crazy. ]

[lupusalpha]

[That is the stupidest question ever, and Derek's face says so. He's an alpha wolf. No one fucks with him.]

[studmuffin]

Do you just find a nice springy patch of moss to sleep on? Or like, do you build a den. Like with twigs and shit. No wait, that's birds.

[lupusalpha]

Shut up.

[studmuffin]

C'mon. Enquiring minds.

[lupusalpha]

Stiles.

[studmuffin]

[ Sitting on his hands. ]

I just don't get it.

[lupusalpha]

The woods? You don't get the woods.

[studmuffin]

How you think you can just survive out there.